With an open shop since 1997 on a main mercantile street in California’s sunny Alameda, we hear some extremely interesting things from the general public who wander in, not quite sure what antiquarian books are all about… Some of the most popular questions and comments by our shop visitors are included below. Enjoy!
1. “Do you sell books here?” [… No, not nearly often enough.]
2. “I have this really, really old Bible, like from 1850 or something. Is it worth anything?”
3. “My mother left me some old books.” [To which the possibly only sane reply is a very eloquent, “Cool. I mean, I’m sorry for your loss.”]
“Yes. So expensive, in fact, that we make our customers sign a Give-Us-Your-First-Born-Child agreement when they walk in the door, so we are insured if they should break anything. Got a pen?”
4. “So, is like, everything in here really expensive?”
5. “Do you have any books on mushrooms?” [Only in California, right?]
6. “Your blinds are always closed & I never see you open. How do you make any money?” [Appropriate-but-probably-should-not say-it response: “It’s just a front, actually. We’re a drug cartel.”]
7. “I’m looking for a book. It was red. No, sorry, don’t remember the author or title.”
8. “Do you buy books?” [I should preface this one with the fact that any who ask this in person walked past a 3 ft. long sign on our front window that says WE BUY BOOKS.]
9. “I came in here, like, 10 years ago I think. It hasn’t changed at all.” [Umm… thank you?]
10. “Wow. You have some old books in here.” [Really? We hadn’t noticed.]
and an extra for good-luck:
11. “I’ll come back when I have more time to browse.” [If we only had a nickel…]
Strategies for the Antiquarian Bookseller to Not Lose One’s Tolerance for Having an Open Shop
1. Hire an assistant that you pay to be nice to people who walk in the door, especially the ones that ask questions you personally could not possibly answer without copious amounts of sarcasm.
OR
2. Put up the “Closed to the Public” sign when you’ve had all you can take for the day. Even if it is only 9:23 AM, and you started at 9.
Don’t get us wrong, however, we are very thankful for our walk-in customers. If not for their custom, then for the giggles they grant us!
Happy Thanksgiving!
